Title must be K rated therefore this title cannot be included here!
by SapSorrow
Summary: Thor is going to see Jane. Loki is not impressed. Established Thorki with a not - quite side helping of Jane! Crack, total and utter crack, M rated for incest and language.


**So I couldn't put the proper title on the description cause it goes against ffnet guidelines, the title being "Fuck Slut"! This is crack, total crack, it's just M rated crack with sort – of incest and bad language. **

**Fuck Slut**

Lying back in bed Thor frets, wondering how to break the news to Loki. Innocuous though it is he just _knows _Loki is going to freak out and he's too content right now – they both are – to damage it all with one of Loki's jealous tantrums. Nevertheless it has to be said and Thor works to make it come out as casual as possible thereby ensuring that it sounds terrible strained –

"I am – going to see Jane tomorrow." He blurts.

Loki flashes him a glare that he quickly hides, smirks to himself and looks away again.

"Very well" he says, as though he could not care less. Thor looks at him frowning –

"Really?"

Loki looks back innocently –

"What?" he shrugs, eyes as wide as he can make them.

"You are – alright with this?"

"Well you know – if you must -" Loki realises that Thor will be far too suspicious if he does not sound even a little bit annoyed "I know you always come back to me". And that's a lie it costs him to make, when in truth he has always, is and will be terribly insecure on that score.

"Of course" Thor nods – "I should tell you we may be –" Loki raises both eyebrows at him –

"_Really _brother – with a human? That's disgusting!" he drawls, tiredly.

"I do not think naked in my bed is a position to comment on _that _from, do you _brother?" _

Loki chuckles.

"_Fine. _You go do your silly thing. See if I care."

"Truly"

"Absolutely. _Do _enjoy. Goodnight."

"Loki…."

"Mmm?

"….thank you – you – took that much better than I expected."

_Idiot, _thinks Loki.

"I do like to surprise you" he grins softly into the darkness.

_x_

Thor had not been prepared for how nervous Jane could make him – indeed how afraid he would be that he would just crush her.

"_Really _Thor?" she sighs, in answer to the hundredth _are you sure – _"Do you even know how long you've been putting this off?"

Thor mumbles some not – substantial – excuse and proceeds to disrobe in front of the mortal's appreciative eyes.

"Oh….wow!" she states, staring at his chest – "I mean – yeah – wow –" she walks around him slowly to admire from all angles, Thor unconsciously posing, aware that he looks good half naked. Jane exclaims in a little series of wows until –

"Oh my – yes – wait what – FUCK SLUT?!" she yelps.

"What?!" Thor turns quickly – "Jane really – I had not expected such –"

"No no no you – you – I don't even know what – you have FUCK SLUT written massively on your back – you know that?!"

Thor smiles faintly, assuming some strange human joke –

"No I don't."

"Oh you so do! Here –" she grabs her phone and takes a photo – "See?"

Thor squints at the phone in temporary lack of comprehension – "This is my back on that tiny contraption?"

"Oh my god. _Yes!"_

Thor glares at it a minute more. He does indeed have "FUCK SLUT" scrawled across his back in what he suspects is some extremely magic marker. As comprehension dawns so a growl rises in him that comes out as a bellowed –

"LOKI!"

Jane frowns –

"Loki? Your brother?"

"He's –"

"Thor if I ask how this happened would I want to know?"

"Inmysleep" Thor mumbles, going extremely red.

"I'm sorry – what?"

"In my sleep." He sighs heavily, cursing himself for a fool. Loki was _far _too pleasant about this. He should have known.

"Oh my god." Jane sighs – "This makes so much sense."

"He's –" mumbles Thor.

"Shut up you! No amount of "He's adopted" will get you out of this one! Brothers that are not dodgy do not write "Fuck slut" on each other in their sleep! You should maybe –" she indicates his shirt, Thor starts to put it hurriedly back on.

"….and then we should maybe not" she adds. Thor nods, surprised at how relieved he is actually is by this.

"I'm sorry Jane –"

"Bah, don't be. I'm an idiot for not working it out sooner. Go. Go be with your brother and I'll ….I'll try and pretend I never saw that!"

"Are we – still friends?"

"Dur! Of course – fuck slut!"

When Thor leaves she is still grinning and shaking her head.

_x_

Thor re-materialises in Asgard, attempting to restore his dignity and yelling at the top of his lungs –

"LOKI!" He storms through the halls and into Loki's quarters where he finds his brother sat on a window ledge reading. He looks up idly from his book at the furiously rampaging Thor –

"Back so soon brother?" he smiles, winningly – "How did it go?"

Thor yells incoherently and charges Loki, grabbing him by the front of the tunic. Loki never stops grinning at him –

"I AM THOR ODINSON OF ASGARD AND I WILL NOT BE RIDICULED IN THIS MANNER!"

"Really I'm not sure which manner you are referring to – you'll have to be more specific!"

"Damn you – you _know!"_

"I _did _say I would surprise you!"

"Loki for the love of god tell me this marker is not permanent!"

"Oh no – it's _entirely_ permanent – but I'll tell you what you stop sleeping with tiny mortals and I'll never embarrass you by mentioning it again – deal?"

"Sleeping with mortals?" Thor shakes Loki, still yelling – "Do you think I can even take my clothes off in front of anyone again let alone sleep with them?"

"Well that was the plan yes"

Thor drops Loki with a comedic thunk.

"I really hate you brother. But fine we have a deal."

"And Asgardians always stick to their deals right brother?"

"Of course. _I'm _not the one who's tricksy."

Thor turns around to strop off in a huff.

"I lied!" Loki calls merrily after him – "It's not really permanent –" Thor looks over his shoulder to glare at Loki with equal thirds fury, irritation and affection, then turns to go again pretending he did not hear Loki chirp after him " – fuck slut!"

_x_

**I am totally ready for nobody to like this but me – it was a late night idea that had to be written! **


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